Are you listening?
Are you sure?  

Poor listening habits are the cause of more communication breakdowns than most of us realize, mainly because we don’t think of listening as a communication skill. But it is. The first thing to realize about listening is what it’s not. It’s not the same as hearing and it’s not waiting for your turn to speak.

Hearing involves only our ears, and we do it automatically. Sound hits the eardrum and resolves itself into words or musical notes we recognize. Since there are sounds all around us constantly, we have learned to filter out those we don’t want to hear—such as traffic in the street or the people at the next table in a restaurant.

Listening, on the other hand, is a conscious act. To be an effective communicator, you must decide to listen each time you enter an important business discussion. The act of deciding to listen switches off the filter so that we can concentrate on what the other person is saying.

Why is listening so important in our jobs? Here are three reasons.

Listening keeps us informed. People who complain that nobody ever tells them anything would be well advised to consider their listening habits. If you feel you are always the last to know, or you are out of the loop, perhaps you are simply not listening.

Listening keeps us out of trouble. Many of us spend much of our workday taking and acting on instructions. Serious consequences can arise when instructions are misinterpreted, often because the person being instructed didn’t listen effectively.

Good listeners are valued. Have you ever had the experience of someone paying close, respectful attention as you spoke—hanging on your every word? Didn’t it make you feel special and valued, as if your opinion mattered? Everyone wants to feel that way, whether they are in positions of authority or not, so they appreciate people who truly listen to them.

Knowledge is power, and often the best way to get it is simply to listen.

The art of the question

People are often surprised when I point out that asking questions is actually a listening skill. If I am asking a question, am I not talking, rather than listening? Well, you are actually talking for the purpose of listening.

There are two types of question we use as part of the listening process: closed-ended and open-ended. A closed-ended question can be answered with “yes” or “no”, or with another single word. A one-word answer, however, is not enough for an open-ended question; it needs some words of explanation. A lively listener knows how to make use of both types of questions to elicit information and guide a dicussion. Here’s how to do it.

Ask closed-ended questions when you want confirmation:

• Have you received the third quarter sales figures yet? (Answer: “yes” or “no”)
  
  
• Who is responsible for compiling the monthly sales report? (Answer: “Jonathan”)
  
  
• How many people will be attending the strategy meeting? (Answer: “six”).

The one-word answers give you all the information you need.

Consider, on the other hand, the following open-ended questions:

• We’ve agreed we have a major problem competing with the established brand in our marketplace. How can we make people notice our house brands?
  
  
• You have told us how well the new purchasing model is working in the Eastern Division. How do you see it working in the other regions?

These questions call for more details, serving to expand the discussion.

Make a point of using the right mix of questions to confirm facts and obtain information—you will automatically become a better listener.

Avoid selective listening

Mary had just finished a job interview, and the interviewer said, “You seem well qualified for the job and I like your attitude. I’ll get back to you when I have interviewed the other ten candidates.” She was quite surprised when she didn’t get the job. Why? Because she listened only to what she wanted to hear, and conveniently (or inconveniently, as it turned out!) ignored mention of the stiff competition.

In business as in life, we can’t afford to practise selective listening. The fact that we ignore the bad news doesn’t make it go away! In fact, things might well become worse if we act on just one part of a complex message.

One way we listen selectively is not listening to the end of what the other person is saying. Someone says half a sentence and we immediately leap to the end, assuming we know what they were about to say and so we don’t listen to the rest. Has anyone ever done this when you were speaking? Then you know how annoying it is!

A common cause of selective listening is personal bias against the speaker. It’s tempting to discount the opinions of people you simply don’t like. If you feel yourself mentally switch off when a certain person begins to speak, you are guilty of selective listening. Remember, the information may be valid and useful even if the person delivering it is never going to be your best friend—so listen up!