While speaking at a conference I met Janice, a senior admin at a mid-sized Canadian career college. She told me she had trouble being taken seriously, and felt nobody heard when she expressed an opinion. Not knowing much about Janice or her organization, my impression of her was based on meeting and chatting with her briefly at the conference. It wasn’t hard to see what her problem was.

Although she was of average height and build, Janice stood “small”—shoulders hunched, head down, arms and hands close to her body, feet close together. Her body language said she was trying to be invisible, almost apologizing for taking up space. Why would anyone think she had something important to say? I suggested she straighten up, take a slightly wider stance and relax her arms. Further, when she spoke she needed to look the other person straight in the eye and adopt a facial expression that said she had confidence in her opinion. She was to practise all this using a full length mirror, so that she would come to recognize how she felt and how she looked before trying it all out at work.

Some time later, I received an e-mail from Janice. She hadn’t suddenly achieved accolades for her opinions, but she was making progress. The new body language felt strange at first, but it became more natural with use. She was excited to report that it gave her increased feelings of self-confidence, which resulted in people taking her and her opinions more seriously.

Have you ever noticed people’s facial expressions when they are not actively involved in a conversation? Many of our faces in repose take on an angry look—brows drawn together in a frown, mouth tight and downturned. Perhaps we are simply thinking about something that takes concentration, but someone else looking at us could be forgiven for thinking we were in a bad mood. This can also happen when we are listening. I broke my own habit of frowning during concentration when my husband pointed out that he thought I was going to disagree strongly with something he said, when I had simply been listening.

It’s important to be aware of your body and what it is doing at any given time. Right now, for example, close your eyes and don’t move. Now think about your right foot. Is it resting flat on the floor or crossed over your left ankle? Is it “twirling”? What about your facial expression—do you actually know what expression you are wearing right now? Are you playing with a lock of your hair as you read?

Make a habit of self-awareness. Use your mirror to create the body language and expression you want, and experience how that feels. Discover what self-confident body language looks like, and make it your own.

Remember, if the words and the body language don’t send the same message, people will always believe the non-verbal one.

© 2004 Helen Wilkie All Rights Reserved. You may reprint this article for your online or print publication so long as you include the complete article and the following paragraph:

Helen Wilkie is a professional speaker, consultant and author who helps companies do better business through better communication. Her latest book is "The Hidden Profit Center". To received free monthly tips and techniques on communication, visit http://www.mhwcom.com or http://www.HiddenProfitCenter.com and sign up for "Communi-keys". Reach Helen Wilkie at 416-966-5023 or hwilkie@mhwcom.com

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